#3 Things you can do to promote the recession! New Year’s Resolution Edition.

Ah New Years, a time to reflect on our hopes, dreams, and goal for the renewal changing of the calendar. This tradition started with the Romans during the 2nd century. The most common New Year’s resolutions are to spend more time with family, lose weight, quit smoking, get out of debt, and learn something new. This post is about New Year’s resolution to promote the economic recession for 2009 and keeping up those resolutions made.

1. Spend more time with the family: This is the most common resolution and indeed spending more time with your family is wonderful. Instead of buying goods that yield diminishing returns such as drugs, liquor, wooden planks, shoes, and etc. Spending time with your family is a cheap source of entertainment. Hours of entertainment can be spent on arguing why your parents didn’t go to your sports events/piano recital or why mommy doesn’t love daddy anymore, or why do I have two dads.

2. Losing Weight: Don’t join a gym; they are a huge waste of time and money. Rather jog around your neighborhood and count the number of foreclosed homes. If you can’t find any, ask your local Realtor if they still have a job.

3. Quit Smoking: Yeah I know how tough quitting smoking can be. Cigarettes, alcohol, and chocolate are recession proof as their growth increased during 2008. My advice would be shifting your addiction elsewhere more productive. Like compulsive shoplifting, street side pandering, pick a fight with someone weaker than you, or be in a coma.

4. Get out of debt: Getting into personal debt is American! Why buy later when you can buy a now? Savings are for the Chinese and people that don’t like fun.

5. Try something new: That is really simple during the recession. You would have plenty of free time when you don’t have a job. When you do find a job, you will have to deliver new lines like “Welcome to ___________! May I take your order?”